Daniel

I am 22 years old and I've had 2 sex-ed classes.

The first was in Bettendorf, Iowa and I was in 6th grade. I had moved there during my 5th grade year. The class I had was a comprehensive sex-ed class. I took it during the 2nd semester of that year. There are many things to say about this especially since I have a near-photographic memory.

Looking back, this class was a disservice for me. Long story short, it was too intense and I was not ready for such detailed information. At the end of the course I believe that I was addicted to sex and sexual thought.

The biggest reason why this class had such a negative impact on me could be pinned on one thing: posters. Specifically, posters of male and female genitalia. They were displayed on the wall of the classroom and I remember very clearly that I stared at the female one every day (I'm a guy if you haven't figured it out yet). This was the equivalent of looking at pornography everyday. Since guys are very easily visually stimulated in the 6th grade it's no wonder I turned out the way I did.

In my seventh grade year I moved to Sergeant Bluff, Iowa. I had a sex-ed course in the last part of my 8th grade year. This course was an abstinence-only class. Taking sex-ed the second time around was very different. I actually learned some things! It was a quarter long and they concentrated on the different stages of life rather than an intense focus on puberty like the first class did.

In both situations my parents did not talk to me beforehand at all. When they signed the permission slip for my 6th grade year all they told me was, "You're going to be learning about how babies are made" and that was it.

Back then I was not comfortable with myself as a sexual being (it's ironic that most parents fear that of their child). In my house sex was a taboo. You just didn't talk about it. As a result I had no one to talk to when it came to my sexual or otherwise personal feelings.

To this day I despise them for not talking to me, even though I already knew about it. In high school my dad wanted me to see a therapist because of all the moving we've done (I've moved 7 times at this point) and also because of the fact that we weren't very close as a family. Many subjects were talked about but there was one that I kept coming back to and it was sexualality.

To come to the current day, I have thought a lot about this subject and have come to a conclusion. First, be open with your children about "personal" body parts when they're in grade school. Don't make sex or other related topics a taboo. Second, tell them about puberty before it happens (in other words before 5th or 6th grade). You don't have to talk about sex then but at least tell them what's going to happen (especially for girls). Third, the sex talk should take place between 5th grade and 8th grade. The easiest time would be when you tell them about puberty or sometime soon after that. From there keep the discussion open and encourage then to talk about it with yourself.

As for sex-ed classes, don't take a comprehensive course. Just don't. Abstinence is okay but comprehensive especially at 6th grade is way too much for children.

Best wished,

Daniel